Hey I'm Maddy and my last one of these was rally bad so I'm just going to leave this here Doctor Who Tardis
bewilden:

fileformat:

how are these people not dead

Oh he can eat plastic bags and the other lady can eat drywall, but if I want to enjoy some fucking cookie dough I’ll get salmonella and die
captainsassgard:

sixpenceee:

oh my god

(this is from a German comedy show btw)

youaintshitok:

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree.

That makes it a plant.

Chocolate is salad.

epic-humor:

sloth-grunge:

trying to comfort someone like

image

sebastian-stand:

thepondsaregone:

thorinoakenbutt:

castielandpie:

poryqon:

it bothers me that Kansas and Arkansas are not pronounced the same

I’m from the UK and I have been pronouncing Arkansas as Ar-Kansas my whole life

For all my non-american friends, Arkansas is pronounced ark-an-saw

WHAT

OH

rneerkat:

thisisnotlogansblog:

rneerkat:

rneerkat:

is there a month between april and june? 

may be

you can’t answer your own jokes

“why did the chicken cross the road?” “why” “sorry cant answer my own jokes ur gonna have to find the solution yourself”

spit-polished-steel:

The fact that “It’s Been a Long, Long Time” (a song about two lovers reuniting with a kiss after being separated due to World War II) was the song that was playing when Steve first saw the Winter Soldier is going to keep me awake for the rest of my life, tbh.

horror movie opening scene

  • white girl: i dont like this abandoned insane asylum, zack.
  • white boy: come on, amanda, 10 years ago tonight, the famous blood skull killer committed his last murder right here and then vanished.
  • white girl: you're just trying to scare me.
  • white boy: lmao
  • they continue walking for a few seconds
  • *white couple hears noise*
  • white girl: babe what that??
  • white boy: i'll go investigate
  • *leaves her alone*
  • *choking noises*
  • white girl: zack!!!
  • white boy: ha ha just kidding!
  • white girl: asshole!
  • white boy: im just playin babe
  • white girl: that wasnt funny but ur still cute
  • *playful kiss*
  • *things turn sexy*
  • *hear noise*
  • white boy: i'll go investigate
  • *he leaves and then there's a silence for a long time*
  • *maybe a thud*
  • white girl: zack! this isnt funny anymore zack!
  • *she walks and he dead*
  • white girl: ahhh!!
  • *killer shows up with sickle or quirky weapon that distinguishes him from other horror movie villains*
  • white girl: ahhh!!!
  • *white girl runs*
  • *dead end*
  • *hides*
  • *thinks she free n safe*
  • *guy catches her*
  • *cuts her*
  • *she dead*
  • opening title slashes across screen: BLOOD SLICE IN 3-D